She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
