I've blown a few things in my day
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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