By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
