Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
