So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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