i dont even know how to be here
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
