You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
