I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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