Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
