i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
