Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
