Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
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