Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.