I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards