Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
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I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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