so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
