How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?