are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.