Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
