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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?