So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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