it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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