we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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