We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
