Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize