Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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