I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
