On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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