my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
