I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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