I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
