Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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