FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
