You're so nebulous sometimes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
