Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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