There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
