you would pick up someone in the library
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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