Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
