What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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