HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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