I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
