So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
