You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
