I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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