When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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