My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My vagina is very pro this idea
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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