it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Randomize