Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
