Don't make out with my wife yet
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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