Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
