like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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