I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
