wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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