the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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