i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
