we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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