I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
