I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
