capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol