last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.