it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.