Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.