You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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