I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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