I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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