I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
