dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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